Marriage After Kids

After becoming parents for the first time, I expected some obvious lifestyle changes but nothing prepared me for the changes it would make to my marriage!

That first year or 3 that you’re together before that first “bundle of joy” enters your life, life is what it is and none of it matters because you have each other. You go to work / school, whatever you do as does he, and the whole time you’re secretly texting in the backroom just aching for that moment you get to be together again! It all seems easy, and peaceful and “meant to be”. Then one day babies are born, they get sick, economies drop, husbands start businesses “to stay close” – and nothing is ever the same.

Advice?

Well here’s a bit of what I’ve come across in my own reading, along with my honest real life reactions to them…

1. Put the kids to bed early to have “Adult Time”

Truth is at the end of the day, if or when all the kids are in bed before I’m completely exhausted and in bed myself – I don’t want “Adult Time”, I want ME time! I have 3 children and a work from home husband – more then anything, I miss solitude! I miss no one needing me for anything!

2. When you’re alone together, talk about things other than your kids.

I’ve been a Stay At Home Mom since 2008 – all I have to talk about are the kids! My husband works ALL the time and he works from home – all he has to talk about is the same work topics we’ve already covered AND THE KIDS!

3.  Schedule time out and stick to it.

We’ve tried, but in a small town there are only so many places “worth” going to and because we lead such routine lives and see each other all day – there’s nothing to talk about. We go to a movie – nothing really intimate about that; We go to a restaurant and end up looking at our phones because we have NOTHING to talk about!

At this point you’re probably thinking we’re just not trying, and these seem like silly excuses.

Truth is marriage is hard. Any relationship that isn’t nurtured will drift. Between a workaholic husband, 3 kids, school and after school activities we seem to just be rushing on from one thing to another and mostly just running on autopilot. And once that happens……it’s not easy to find your way back. And if you’re not careful, you’ll end up filled with regrets and resentments living and raising your children with a stranger.

My REAL advice – DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE!  Never forget why you came together, and never stop trying to find common ground and interests. Never stop getting to know eachother. Stop just going through the motions and bring back the romance.

– It’s not easy, but it gets easier over time.

Thanks for reading 🙂